"Practice Patience"

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." (Galatians 5:22, 23)

"Love is patient..." (1 Corinthians 13:4)

My Church has been on the sermon series of "Fruit of the Spirit" since the beginning of the year. Today, we arrived at the topic of "patience."
The on-going received hearing in my prayers has been "be still and wait" for quite a while now. If it wasn't my prayers but an old record player, I'd think it's broken. Time after time, I ask the Lord, "dear God, what am I waiting for?" "why am I waiting?" "can I stop waiting?" Especially when things seem like they've come to a very very extremely dead dead-end, the degree of my frustration also maxed.

I remember saying (well, more like yelling...) to the Lord: "I think I'm doing with this waiting business!"
(But then, as usual, after my grumbling, I feel terrible and then have to go to the Lord with repentance.)


Seriously, it feels like driving into a dead-end alley with a tall concrete wall right in front of me but my GPS still tells me to "proceed this way."

Unlike a GPS system, God doesn't make silly mistakes.
Unlike a GPS system, God doesn't have a "reset" button.
Unlike a GPS systen, God doesn't require updates and acquiring signals.
Unlike a GPS system, there is no delay in God.


I was in tears today during the sermon when Pastor Sherin read Psalm 13: "How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, O LORD my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love, my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me."


EXACTLY!


Countless times I've asked the same questions the psalmist asked:" HOW LONG, O LORD!?"


It was indeed comforting and reassuring when Pastor Sherin reminded us that God doesn't tease us, He doesn't delight in our frustration, He is GOOD.
It further comforted me when he said:"when we go through hard times, it is so easy to wonder 'what have I done wrong?' and start the false guilt and self-blame... don't." (hit home!)


After the sermon, Matthew, Pastor Sherin's 7-year-old son walked by me as we exit the Church, stopped, looked me in the eyes, smiled, and said: "practice patience."


It caught me by surprise and I paused for a second, held his sweet face and asked him: "me? practice patience? I should practice patience?"
He nodded his head with a bigger smile.


I'm sure that little Matthew had no idea what kind of toss and turns my heart has gone through and the sleepless sorrowful nights when I curled up in bed, crying, asking the Lord to piece my heart together and deliver me out of this aching time of my life. I'm sure that he also doesn't know how I stomped my feet before the Lord, asking Him: "what am I waiting for? when will this end? I'm hurting so much, can't You see? why is this happening to me? You know I love You!!"

Tonight, I heard God's gentle loving voice through Matthew's sweet voice: "practice patience."




I will, my Lord, I will continue to practice patience, I will keep trusting in your steadfast and unfailing love, rejoicing in your salvation, and trusting in your sovereignty and lordship.


As I said good-bye to Matthew after dinner, I promised him: "I will practice patience."
Thank you, Matthew, for speaking into my life, thank you Jesus, for ALWAYS being good.