As usual, CityLights brought all kinds of stretching and wresting of the heart.
Last year, I tried to blog by dates but it just got so long that I don't think I even finished it... so this year, I will just blog the different story that happened to me and the different ways the Lord stretched my heart and opened my eyes... and more.
The day before heading to St. Louis, as I was packing up and getting my photography stuff ready...
"Is what you wanted but didn't get really what you'd want?", "would that really suffice?"... these questions clearly sounded in my head as I was cleaning my camera lens.
Since I was in the middle of doing getting stuff ready, I didn't pay too too much attention to those questions and just kept the works in my hands going.
The next day morning, as I drove to St. Louis, spending two hours along, well, not really along, but with Jesus, in the car... the questions came back to me.
"Would you really enjoy it fully had it been granted to you?"
"Let's not go there now, Lord, I am not ready... now is not the time for this!" I said to Him.
"Had it been granted to you, would that really suffice?" sounded again.
"Ahhh! Not now!! Later, please!" I argued.
"Would that really suffice?" again and again...
By the time I got to St. Louis, I'd figured that the question was really just rhetorical.
I saw the point.
My brain "saw" the point, but my heart was needing time to catch up; and in my mind, CityLights was simply not the right timing for that to happen... why? because I knew that I'd be so busy that there'd be no way that this matter could come up! It was a personal matter that had nothing to do with social injustice or God's heart for the broken ones, however could it come up!?
But as we all know, the Lord works in humorous ways... at the end of the week, I realized that it really isn't about how hard I could try to let my heart catch up, it is simply the very opposite.
I just left it alone.
"Lord, just do whatever you want, I don't think I have the time to make the effort to do the catching up, but you can do whatever you want." I said.
And so He did the whatever.
He did the catching up for me.
At the end of the week, I wasn't hurting anymore.
The sadness that went on for months finally approached an end.
On that Friday night, when I was cleaning my camera lens, He was also at work, cleaning my lens, restoring me to where He wants me to be.
And I like that whatever.
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