With her permission, I am including her writing here:
Women today have more opportunities for education and career placement and advancement than in the past. I believe that it is assumed by women today that they will be involved in paid employment for most of their career life and that they can choose from a wide range of occupations. Even though it’s probably because most families requires two incomes to support their lives; it is, nevertheless, exciting for me to find that as women, we have the self-efficacy to engage in work place. However, we need to be aware of the traditional gender-role norms continue to influence their aspirations, decisions, and perceived choices. Take myself as an example, I attended the best university in Taiwan, I am studying aboard, and I am considering to apply to a doctoral degree program now; I believe that I want to work and I will have a job or career in the future. On the other hand, because of the messages and pressures I receive, to some degree I also think that being a stay-home mom can the best career for me, or for women.
My mother was a nurse before she married my father, and after having children, she quit her job and stayed hom to take care of my brother and I. So my own picture of what motherhood should look like is to be actively involved with and available to my children and be responsible for their care. Also, I feel a little guilty to choose to be in the workforce because I am afraid that it may occupy the time I need to be with my children. Especially our culture gives greater importance to mothering that to fathering.
Actually my parents think to stay home is the best career for women even though they invested a lot of money and effort on my education. They think to get married, to have children, and take care of them are most important for women. The personal achievement and success are not that important for women as they are for men. So when I plan my occupational aspirations, I really consciously plan them to fit with my future views of family life. In addition to the family, social and cultural expectation, I believe that the husband is the head of the wife because of my religious belief. If my husband wants me to stay home, I would change my occupational aspirations to accommodate my husband’s wish and fulfill responsibilities for children even I have a PhD degree. Moreover, it is very important to “save face” for their husbands to be a wife in Chinese culture, at least that’ what I have been taught.
I realize that there are many traditional gender-role norms affecting my own career development and I have mixed feeling about that. I respect and value the expectation of my family and my culture. However, to some degree, they conflict with my professional belief that both men and women must be able to move outside of traditional gender-role norms and become comfortable with creating new norms for their unique situations. I am afraid that I may reinforce traditional gender-role norms and assumptions of my future clients, too. I hope I can continue to reflect on that and find the balance!
As I corrected her grammatical errors, I smiled and told her that I am glad that she's thinking about this.
What do you want to do when you grow up?
Growing up, I've wanted to become a teacher, a doctor, or a lawyer. The purpose for these three occupations are very similar-- to help people.
I enjoy teaching a class just as much as cleaning and wrapping up a wound, I am often told that I am a "rescuer" type of person.
But deep within me, there is a very noble job that I would love to be able to have, if I could ever be given the privilege-- a stay-home mom (yeah, I don't really like to refer to it as a "housewife").
Sounds old-fashined, eh?
I know.
Do I want to have a job? yes.
Do I want to pursue a PhD degree? yes, so far I do.
However, I've always have this notion in mind that even if I have a good job and am in a position I want career-wise, whenever my family calls for me to put down everything and return to it, I would have no second doubt.
I've had a hard time communicating this through with friends and people around me, so I just gave up explaining. Friends would try to swing me otherwise and convince me that this is not a good idea at all, it is "too much scarifies"!
Well, they told me the same when I told them that I thought when two people have the idea of marriage in mind, it makes perfect sense to plan life around each other, for example, try to be in the same city, etc. No, for many, it makes more sense to go for what is best individually and then slowly move into each other's picture. (So this I really can't understand at all... couples want to live together quickly after starting a relationship all the time, but when it comes to getting married and making plans for life, it suddenly is only about "me"?!? uhh... anyway...)
As a group of us were chatting on Friday, I realized, the notion I have in my mind was planted by the loving environment that I was raised. That is why I don't see the "going all the way for each other" part as a sacrifice but as a privilege, justly!
Seeing how my parents really respect and love each other built the model of how marriages should be like. I remember being so confused because I was not able to tell who was the more dominating one amongst the two of my parents. I mean, while my mom would say, "let me consult with dad first", my dad would say "did you ask your mom?". I was very clear that my dad was the "head" and my mom the "body", but there wasn't occasions where I felt like going to one of them would "work better" than going to the other one.
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Ephesians 5:21-33
While many would go "ahhhhh!!!" and panic a bit when seeing the passage, I frankly had no problem agreeing with it fully. Not only because it's words from the Bible, but also because I grew up seeing it living before me.
My mother is not a good cook. Period.
It wasn't a big problem before mom retires a few years ago because we'd either eat out (which, in Taiwan, is inexpensive and convenient!) or dad would just cook. But when mom retired, she spends time at home, the need of making lunch-boxes were gone, and she didn't feel like eating out all the time, so she'd have to cook.
So what dad would do is to either cook and have leftovers, or, prepare all materials for mom and then write down very detailed instructions on how dishes should be prepared, so all mom needs to do is to follow the instructions.
On the other hand, dad has trouble having his hands wet for too long, so mom takes up the dishes and laundry and all those type of work.
It's always nice seeing them taking walks, hand in hand.
Okay, haha, I've gone far from what I was saying.
Is being a stay-home mom something really THAT crazy for modern times?
I mean, it does NOT have to be permanent, unless there is a need for it to be.
Surprisingly, both guy friends and girl friends of mine have expressed very opposing opinion. A guy friend even told me: "any guy who hears this would be frightened... this is like, saying you have no realistic goal for your life!"
I was speechless.
Maybe it really is something that would take lots and lots of communication?
Or maybe it'd just have to be something that's brought up up-front...
"will you marry me?"
"will you let me stay home should there be a need?"
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